The Nyazian Prophecies

Andrew pulled the lime green beetle into the drive way. He looked briefly into the rearview mirror and fixed his hair. He took a deep breath. He then brought his hand up to his mouth and breathed onto it. He winced and reached into the glove compartment, getting out a box of mints and popping one into his mouth.

He got out of the car and walked up onto the porch. He knocked and waited, wringing his hands together.

Mandy stared out the window of the Viper. Jamie was in the driver's seat. There was nothing but desert on either side of them. It was eerily silent, except for the hum of the engine.

Doctor Decarabia suffled through papers at his desk. He swore under his breath and pushed them aside.

Salome sat on the edge of the counter in the bathroom. She kicked her legs anxiously, licking her lips. She glanced at her watch and sighed deeply. She then picked up the white plastic stick. Her eyes grew wide.


Vincent Kartheiser	Anna Paquin	Bret Harrison	Kou Shibasaki	Allison Mack	and Tom Lenk

****


Based on the Characters by Joss Whedon	Created by Emcee

****

Guest Starring

James Franco
Paul McGann
James C. Leary
Laura Silverman

and
Mageina Tovah

Written by

Emcee

Connor sat cross-legged in the living room of Lamia House, surrounded by books and scrolls. He rested his chin on his folded hands, sighing deeply. His light blue eyes traveled over the pages and he sighed again. He unfolded his hands and leaned back. "There's got to be something here," he muttered. "Something I'm missing..."

Connor shook his head. "Nothing to give me a hint as to how to find Angel." He opened his arms to Salome. "I know the Council told me I shouldn't get out of my head about this, but I can't help it."

Salome slipped into Connor's arms, setting on his lap. "But you do need to relax, Ace. It'll work out."

Connor's brow furrowed as he brushed a lock of long purple hair out of Salome's face. "Everything all right, Baby? You look a little purple."

Salome shrugged. "Well, I am purple. Au natural, I am at least." She looked away, averting her gaze.

"Speaking of au natural," Connor leaned in. "You know, everyone's out of the house. I think I've got a way to relax..."

"Why not?" Connor asked. "Council wants me to relax, you want me to relax. You're really good at relaxing me."

Connor frowned slightly. "All right." He brushed his bangs out of his face. "I understand." He went back to his books, picking one up and placing it in his lap. He turned a page, trying to look casual. "You sure you're all right?"

"Of course I am," Salome replied, a little too quickly. "Why wouldn't I be all right? Don't I seem to be all right?"

"Well, I was worried about you before..." Connor spoke slowly, suspiciously. "And you don't exactly turn me down for sex a lot. And you're acting... Well, don't take this the wrong way, but you're acting crazy."

"Crazy?" Salome laughed nervously. "I'm not crazy. I'm just in... A mood. You know how I get sometimes."

"Salome." Connor pushed the book aside and stood. He walked to Salome and took her hands. "Tell me what's going on. It's pretty damn obvious there's something." He nuzzled her cheek. "Come on, what's going on? Were you sick again? Maybe you should see your aunt. She might know more about how to stop the spatial sickness."

"Then what is it?" Connor asked worriedly. "If there's something wrong, I want to know what it is."

"All right." Salome led Connor to the couch. She pushed some books out of the way so they could sit down. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay... I'm just going to say it and then... It's going to be said."

Connor winced and shifted. "Sal, you're hurting my hands. You're rocking the claws and... Ow."

Salome released Connor's hands. "All right." She nodded, taking a deep breath. "Here I go."

She closed her eyes tightly. "So... I think I have a slight case of... Being pregnant."

There was nothing but silence. Salome opened one of her eyes a crack. She then opened the other. Connor was staring at her, mouth slightly open.

Connor blinked finally. "I... Uhhh... I thought you just said you were pregnant."

"That's what I did say," Salome replied. She cocked her head. "Ace? Are you all right?"

"Um..." Connor ran a hand through his hair. "I... I don't know." He licked his lips. "Are you sure?"

Connor nodded slowly. "You mean one of those pee on a stick, get a plus sign things?"

"You're a demon!" Connor pointed out. "How are you sure those pee on a stick, get a plus sign things work for demons?"

"It's my body! Of course I can be certain!" Salome grimaced. "Connor, I need you to believe me on this."

Salome rolled her eyes. "Connor, you can bend steel bars with your bare hands. You don't think there's a chance your super swimmers can break through latex?"

"Oh God." Connor sank back down onto the couch, cradling his head in his hands. "You're kidding. You're having a baby."

Salome grimaced. "Nyazian women typically release between two to four eggs per ovulation."

Connor groaned. "Now you're freaking and grossing me out." He leaned back. "So... You're pregnant."

"Oni," Oni interjected. "Please, refer to me as Oni. I am not concerned with formality when others are referring to me."

Oni sat down in the chair in front of Decarabia's desk. He smiled at her gently. "So what brings you here, Oni? I was very sorry I was unable to attend Crawford's funeral. He was a very special young man."

Oni nodded, smiling sadly. "Yes he was. The flowers you sent were most appreciated. However, I am not here to speak about Crawford."

"Then why are you here?" Decarabia asked. "You're human. If you require a doctor, I suspect you could freely see one of them."

"Oh." Oni shook her head. "I am not unwell. That is not the purpose of my visit. While you were caring for Crawford, you said your receptionist had left your employment."

"I would like to apply for the position," Oni continued. "I have very excellent penmanship and am well-versed in demon customs and languages. I could be an asset."

"I thought your job was training young women to kill demons," Decarabia asked warily.

Oni nodded. "That is very true. I am employed by the Slayer's Council. However, it is not a job that dictates I do not find other work opportunities. In fact, it rather lends itself to that. Not to mention, the Council does not compensate terribly well..."

"But, still... You would like to work making demons... Better?" Decarabia arched a brow.

Oni nodded. "Yes. I suspect the demons you are working with are more sentient and less likely to be those my compatriots are attacking. I have also spoken to Krevlornswath and he informs me you have a rule about not treating those who have tried to destroy the world. I am very sympathetic to demons that are trying to intergrate themselves into the world. I was raised by a demon, you know."

Oni nodded. "Yes. I thought I had already stated that." She held out a paper to him. "I have my resume, if you require it. I cannot guarantee I will not be involved in any emergencies, seeing as how another dimension is trying to merge with Earth, but I will try to minimalize the need to abandon my post. I know your hours are primarily at night, so my schooling will not interfere..."

Oni remained quiet for a long time, keeping her eyes downcast. Finally she spoke, "I am lonely since Crawford's passing. All of my compatriots are involved with significant others, all involved with people within our own group. I am left on my own. I wish to find something to occupy my time. While I do dedicate myself to the cause of stopping the fissures to Quortoth, there is only so much I am capable of doing."

She shifted in her seat. "I considered the situation and I remembered you were looking to find an employee. You were a help to Crawford while he was ill and... I wanted to help others like him. Maybe not humans turned demon, but demons. Those who are plagued with supernatural illness. I have thought and thought about it and it would be something that would fulfill me both intellectually and spiritually."

Oni nodded. "Very much so." She looked down. "However, I would be seeking this employment even if I were not mourning the loss of my lover. It is an excellent opportunity and I enjoy helping people."

"All right." Decarabia nodded. "I'll give you a chance, Oni. I think you're a smart girl and Lorne's got nothing but good things to say about you."

"But I'm going to need you to be serious about this job," Decarabia warned. "I've got nothing but respect for what you and your team do. Really, most of the demons in this town do deserve to be put down. But the ones that come in here need help, real help. And they're good demons. I need you to be here for them."

Oni nodded. "I promise to remained focused on my work except for situations in which the world is about to come to an end or one of my friends is going to be fatally injured by an opponent."

Oni bounced and clapped her hands together. "This is fantastic! I promise, I will not let you down." She cocked her head. "When would you like me to start?"

Oni's eyes grew wide. "You could not possibly be implying I start at this very moment... "

"I do." Decarabia grabbed his jacket. "I've been working so hard to get all of these papers in order, I haven't had time to get anything to eat or to return my calls." He pulled his coat on.

Decarabia turned back and grabbed Oni's shoulder. "It'll be easy. I don't have any appointments scheduled for two hours. I'll be back long before that. If anyone comes in, just ask them to wait." He gestured to the file cabinet. "Start filing everything away in alphabetical order-- Human-English," he amended when Oni opened her mouth to question. You'll do fine."

"But..." Oni watched helplessly as Decarabia left. She sighed deeply. "Well... I suppose I did request this assignment."

Mandy stepped out of the car and looked around. She clasped her hands together. "I... I think I'm ready." She eyed Jamie. "You know, you didn't need to come with me."

Jamie frowned slightly as he began to walk to the trunk. "You'd rather I not be here?"

"I don't have a problem with it," Mandy exclaimed, a defensive sound in her voice. "I just didn't think you would be interested in doing this. I mean, this is all spiritual and girl power Slayer stuff."

"You're not clueless!" Mandy put a hand on his arm, patting him comfortingly. "You're really smart. I totally don't understand half of the stuff you say about particle accelerators or.... Uhh... Any of the other things you talk about. You're wicked smart with all of that science stuff. But this is less wiring and electronic gizmos and more chanting and magic gourds."

"You wouldn't be any better off with Andrew," Jamie pointed out. "He's done this ritual as many times as I have."

Jamie scowled. "Yes, none. So you're as good off with me as you would be him. Beside." He smiled gently at Mandy. "I wanted to be here with you. This is supposed to be a big thing for Slayers."

"It is," Mandy replied. "When Buffy did this... She found out she had to die to save the world. And I'm pretty much in the same situation as her."

"You're not going to have to die," Jamie assured her as he laid twigs in a circle on the ground. "That was a weird Buffy thing. She's got to die every couple of years."

Mandy grinned. "I have to admit... I'm kind of interested to see you do this. It might be fun."

Jamie scowled slightly. "This is the part you can chalk up to me being the most supportive boyfriend ever." He took the gourd out of the trunk. "I got the ritual from Andrew and... Well... Let's just say I don't want it turning up on YouTube."

Jamie continued to scowl before he jumped into the circle of rocks on the ground, jumped out again and then shook the gourd.

Mandy giggled behind her hand. Jamie rolled his eyes. "Just get down with your spiritual inner-peace thing, would you?"

Mandy sighed, shrugging. "If you insist." She began to walk off alone into the desert.

Jamie sat down in the center of the stone circle and watched as she disappeared into the night.

Reaching into his bag, Jamie pulled out a large, wooden cross and put it around his neck. He then produced a mining hat and placed it on his head. He turned on the light and opened a book.

He gaped at the text for a moment. "Swahili... It's in... Swahili..." He shook his head. "I hope pronunciation doesn't count."

The wind picked up around him, disturbing the dust and surrounding him. He looked around, slightly panicked.

The dust seemed to take form. "Did you think the quest was only for the Slayer?"

Mandy wiped the sweat from her brow. "The desert in April... The Shadow Men discriminated against Canadians."

She looked around the barren land. "Now where's that big cat Buffy went on about?"

Something flew overhead, blocking the waxing moon. She looked up and spotted the bird. "Huh. That's a bit unsettling."

Mandy followed the shadow. A snowy owl landed on the remains of the stripped tree a few paces in front of her. Mandy eyed the creature. "So... I'm guessing you're not a local." She shifted uncomfortably. "And if I can have another guess... My inner self chooses the form of the guide."

The owl outstretched its wings, flapping them, as if answering Mandy's questions in the affirmative. It took over and began to fly again.

Mandy followed after the bird. It led her past large rock formations, ones that didn't seem quite natural. Mandy took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "This place is so old..." She whispered.

The owl dipped low, bringing Mandy to a pile of sticks, a log forming a makeshift seat in front of it. The owl divebombed the sticks and they burst into flame.

"Neat trick," Mandy commented, sitting down. She sighed. "I guess it's time to wait."

Matty stepped out of the way and gestured to Andrew. "Come in. I'm glad you were able to come."

"Of course," Andrew smiled at Matty. "The Slayer's Council has been a bit weird about us researching anyway. Field Watchers are only supposed to research the every day demon things. Large-scale attacks and plans are supposed to be covered by the team in Oxford. They have access to the full library and us doing research leads to rash plans that aren't sanctioned by the Council. I don't think Connor's listening to the suggestions by the Council though. But his dad's involved and..." He trailed off, blushing. "I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Matty nodded. "Yeah. But it's cute." He leaned in and brushed his lips against Andrew's. "I'm starting to really get into this Watcher thing. Never really went for the brainy types before."

Andrew's eyes widened further and his cheeks turned red. "Then why are you dating me?"

Matty smiled slyly, leaning in again. "Oh, Andy. You are so the pretty it hurts."

Andrew's cheeks turned even redder. "Uhhh..." He looked around. "So... Where are your mom and sister?"

Matty closed the door. "Mom has her Woman Power, Gaia loving, Menstral flow, dancing naked in the moonlight Wicca Circle meeting."

"You know..." Matty nodded. "I think is it. Anyway, Marlee's running the store tonight."

Matty nodded, chuckling softly. "Well, you have a point there." He cradled the back of Andrew's head. "I am an utter predator." He took Andrew's hand. "Come on. I've made dinner."

Andrew couldn't breath as Matty led him along into the kitchen. It was lit by candlelight and there was wine and two glasses in the center of the table. There were two fancy china plates set out, Doublemeat Medleys and fries on them.

"All right..." Matty shrugged. "So I suck at cooking. I figured the sentiment mattered more than the actual food."

"I've got to admit..." Matty sat down across from Andrew. "Marlee helped me set this up. I don't do the romantic dinner for a lot of guys."

Matty shrugged and picked up a fry. "Just something I've be curious about since we dealt with the Nerdinator."

"Uh..." Andrew shook his head. "Warren and I didn't... We weren't..." He looked down. "That's not something I really want to talk about."

"Sorry." Matty reached across the table and squeezed Andrew's hand. "I guess I'm just jealous. I mean, I'd never be able to come back from the dead using dark magic and insane robotics skills."

"Well, the Slayer's Council told you not to research what's going on with the fissures because they want to handle it themselves..."

Matty took a drink. "Well, you know Connor's not listening to that. He's going to find out what the hell happened to his father and how to get him back. And you're not really the kind of guy to just sit back and let things happen."

Matty shook his head. "Naw. I know enough to know you wouldn't take this lying down. Not when Connor's at risk. So why aren't you over at Lamia House researching this thing?"

Andrew hesitated for a moment, studying Matty's face. He smiled, squeezing Matty's free hand. "Well, there were more important things for me to do tonight."