The Nyazian Prophecies

Connor groaned as he struck the demon in the chest. He and Salome were in the graveyard, a swarm of grey, mottled skinned demon surrounding them.

"All I said is maybe you would want to take some more time off." Connor shook his head as he swiped his axe at the demon, missing it by an inch. "Can you please tell me how that translates to 'I want to have sex with Mandy behind your back'?"

Salome looked at him briefly before hitting her own opponent. Her face was still deeply bruised and bandages peeked out from beneath her top. "Well, why is patrolling with me instead of her such a problem?"

Connor whirled around to face Salome. "Because a week ago, you almost died! Dammit, Salome... You should still be resting!" He swung back, decapitating the demon behind him.

"I'm tired of resting!" Salome complained as she gave the demon she fought a fierce uppercut. "Besides, I'm all super. I can handle myself." She winced briefly, hand going to her chest.

"So you want me to go home and rest while you patrol with Vampire Slayer Barbie." Salome sniffed, getting her crossbow. "Isn't that a nice, cosy arrangement?" She shot one of the demons in the chest.

Connor took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. Somehow, he and Salome had fallen back into their petty squabblings. Being kept sidelined for the past week had really killed Salome's good mood. "It's just patrolling, Salome," he tried to keep his voice low as he pounded one of the demons "Why are you getting so jealous?"

"Patrolling is our thing!" Salome protested, narrowly getting out of the way of a lunging demon. "We've been doing it for a year! And... Well... I don't like the idea of you patrolling with her."

"Patrolling isn't our thing!" Connor raised his voice, partly out of surprise. He pulled out his knife and threw it into the throat of one of the opponents. "Our thing is... Well... That other thing."

Salome turned to Connor. "Oh is it?" She elbowed a demon from behind before hitting it in the nose.

Connor shrugged, muttering delivering a wicked right-hook to one of the demons. "Well, maybe it would be if we had that other thing anymore."

"Do you really think it's a coincidence that we haven't been patrolling together and now we're not having sex?" Salome arched an eyebrow as she flipped one of the demons over her shoulder. "Think about it. We always had sex after patrol."

"That's because that's when we were going to bed!" Connor protested, becoming very aggravated with the conversation. He violently broke the neck of a demon with his bare hands.

Salome laughed as she stabbed her opponent. "Then how do you explain that time in Andrew's car? Or the time in the alley on Fifth? Or in the crypt..."

Connor ran a hand through his hair. "It's different. Just because I go patrolling with Mandy doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with her!" He slashed the final demon across the throat.

"No..." Connor grit his teeth. "Watching you fight makes me hot." He stepped over one of the corpses to get closer. "Sal..."

"Mandy likes you." Salome pulled back. "And you haven't done one damn thing to discourage it."

"Big duh! You've got so many admirers, they spill in from other dimensions!" Salome rolled her eyes. "Even your Watcher's in love with you."

"Now I know your paranoid," Connor said flatly. "You think Andrew's in love with me?"

"Mandy doesn't like me. Not that that. She told me." Connor tried again to calm down, taking deep breaths. "I've been meaning to tell you."

"Oh, that's convenient." Salome snapped. "You just telling me now when you want to get me out of the way?"

"I liked you being jealous," Connor muttered, looking down. "But right now, it's just a big pain in my ass."

"A Slayer!" Connor cried desperately. "Months before I even met you! Come on, Faith is sexiest thing ever!" The moment it was out of his mouth, he shut his eyes, realizing he had just made a huge mistake.

"I need to go," Connor said quietly, his voice shaking. "Right now. Or else I'm going to say something I regret."

"More than that you're more attracted to Faith than you are me?" Salome challenged. "So you were with me because I was convenient and now you've got options and wanna move on."

"Why would I want someone else?" Connor snapped angrily. "I have all the crazy I can handle with you!"

"That's it!" Salome threw her hands up in the air. "You got your wish, Connor. I'm going home."

In her haste to leave, Salome tripped over one of the demon corpses. She fell to the ground, her hands coming out to brace her fall, her palms touching the pool of demon blood. Just as she hit the ground, she disappeared.


Vincent Kartheiser	Anna Paquin	Bret Harrison	Kou Shibasaki	and Tom Lenk

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Based on the Characters by Joss Whedon	Created by Emcee

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Special Guest Stars

Peter Wingfield

James Marsters
as Spike

Guest Starring

Deborah Zoe
James C. Leary
DJ Qualls
Elisha Cuthbert

and
Allison Mack

Written by

Emcee

Connor groaned as Salome disappeared. "I hate when she does that," he grumbled as he picked up her abandoned crossbow.

He shook his head savagely. "You're stupid, stupid... God are you stupid! Just once think before you speak!" He smacked himself in the forehead. "Get some damn self control!"

He raked a hand through his hair. "You know you have to keep patrolling. There are still things from Quortoth lurking..." He grit his teeth, shaking his head again. He strode towards the exit. "Salome!" He called out.

He looked down. "How come every other person in the world thinks I'm great just for being the Destroyer?"

Jamie groaned as he tried to stand up. He kept a hand on his side. His clothes were rumpled, not quite put on correctly.

"Whoa!" An orderly entered his room, hurrying up to Jamie and helping him get to his feet. "Don't strain yourself. You're still pretty weak, man."

"Apparently you haven't met my friends," Jamie joked, smiling. "Or else you'd know I'm always weak."

"Actually..." The orderly got the wheelchair from beside the door, bringing it over to Jamie and helping him sit. "I just did. There is a very cute girl at the nurse's station to pick you up."

"It's probably my brother's girlfriend," Jamie commented, snatching up his backpack from beside his bed and keeping it in his lap as the orderly pushed him down the hall. "They're all worried about me going home alone at night."

"That's not really a surprise considering you were mugged." The orderly gave Jamie a pat on the shoulder. "And your brother is a really lucky guy."

Jamie looked up. His eyes widened as his gaze settled on Mandy. She was leaning over the desk at the nurse's station. Her jeans rode low and her tattoo peeked out from under her top.

Mandy turned, smiling broadly. "Hey there." She bounded over to him. "You look the picture of health and harmony."

"Oh yeah." Jamie nodded, gingerly touching his side. "I could wrestle the ears off a Gundark."

Mandy reached down, taking the backpack out of Jamie's lap and slinging it over her shoulder. "You ready to go?"

"But what?" Mandy frowned slightly as she wrapped an arm around Jamie's waist, helping him along. "Is there something wrong?"

"Not wrong..." Jamie shook his head. He walked carefully along with Mandy. "When the orderly said there was a cute girl here to pick me up, I thought it was Salome."

"I didn't mean you're not cute!" Jamie backtracked quickly. "I just... Well... It's kinda surprising."

Mandy snorted, rolling her eyes. "Not as surprising as the idea that Salome could do something for someone else. Girl is wicked self-involved. She was bugging Connor the last I saw her. Trying to get him to take her patrolling. So I thought I'd come and make sure you got home all right."

"Oh!" Mandy stopped, shaking her head. "That's not what I meant, Jay. I wanted to come get you. It's not charity."

Mandy looked down. "I asked if I could pick you up. Connor was all ready to do it, but... I just like badmouthing Salome." She shrugged slightly. "I thought it might be nice if I came to get you."

Jamie smiled at Mandy. "Well... It is. It's really nice." He furrowed his brow as Mandy led him to the parking lot. "Why don't you and Sal get along? I know you told Connor you're not into him, but..."

"It's not," Mandy insisted. She stopped in front of her ca-- a blue PT Cruiser-- and helped Jamie in. "I don't know. She just bugs me."

Jamie nodded slowly. "All right. You know women are insane, right? I just don't get you people."

"Would you have gone for it if she wasn't brainwashing her hookers?" Mandy asked teasingly.

Jamie scowled. "I'm not going to dignify that with a maybe." He relaxed in his seat. "You should try to be nice to Salome. She can get... Scary."

"I'll try." Mandy turned to Jamie, giving him a smile. "A personal favour from me to you."

"So how are things going?" Jamie looked over at Mandy. "Is Oni driving you crazy with insane questions about Ophelia's eating and sleeping habits?"

"Are we what?" Jamie frowned deeply. He then blinked. "Oh! Are we that! No..." He shook his head.

"Really." Mandy nodded slowly. "Good to know." She then went serious. "Things have been kind of quiet since Halloween, actually. A few demons... Only one Connor was sure was from Quortoth. But I think there were more... That one had to be... But no sign of Magnimus and Doc... They're lying low."

"At least no one's ending up in intensive care," Jamie offered feebly. "I mean--"

A large demon suddenly fell from a crack in the sky. It hit the street, roaring. "Oh GOD!" Mandy swerved to avoid the hulking demon. She was too close and the demon rammed right into her bumper.

"Oh crap," Mandy groaned, leaning against the steering wheel. "My insurance is going to skyrocket."

Oni puffed her cigar. She pulled it away from her mouth, a cloud of smoke surrounding her. She wore a plastic, green visor. She dealt out the cards with one hand. "The name of the sport is Five Card Draw. Fives are wild and the Destroyer defeats all."

"Destroyer?" The skinny, rather sickly-looking student asked. His forked tongue darted out.

"Oh right." Clem nodded. "I forgot you're new, Pete. The King of Diamonds. You know... The man with the axe... The Destroyer."

Andrew looked up from the book he was reading. "I'm no good at poker. Besides, I want to get through this chapter."

Oni frowned for a moment before turning back to the table. "It is your wager, Xanja."

Xanja, a tall female demon with tusks, threw a handful of white chips into the middle. "So what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing," Oni replied, slightly distracted as she handed out draw cards. "I am just concerned about Mr Wells, Xanja."

Xanja shook her head. "Not now... In general. Something's happening." She looked around the circle. "We all feel it."

"Oh... Snap." Peter frowned, looking down. "I just got that girl in my Poly-Sci class to go out with me."

"I doubt it will happen before..." Oni thought about it for a moment. "You will at least have time for one social engagement. Hopefully."

Oni laid down her cards. The others groaned when they saw her royal flush. Oni didn't bother to pick up her winnings. "Deal me out this hand."

Oni got up from the table, walking into the living room. She sat down beside Andrew. "What's wrong, Mr. Wells?"

"This was a topic of discussion during the last crisis." Oni put a hand atop Andrew's. "You have been researching quite a bit. Any time you are not at the store, you are researching. I believe you are even researching while you are there."

"I spoke with Riley," Andrew said suddenly. "He found a village plagued with drought yesterday." He looked away. "Sluks."

"It's happening all over," Andrew's voice was weak. "The cracks. They're not just here. All over the world, Quortoth is pouring into Earth."

Oni put an arm around Andrew's shoulders, giving him a one-armed hug. "Then the whole Council will be working on this." She smiled. "And we do not have to worry as much as we did with Cyvus Vail."

"I know you didn't." Oni took off her visor, placing it on Andrew's head. "Come play. I could use a larger monetary gain. We will deal you in."

As they got up to head to the table, the front door opened. Connor strode in. He paused, sniffing the air. "Oni's been smoking a cigar... Poker night?"

"You are back relatively early." Oni smiled. "I suspect hunting was produceful?"

Andrew looked sideways at Oni. "Do you mean productive or fruitful?" He shrugged. "I could go either way."

Xanja, Clem and Pete were peeking into the room. Xanja looked to Clem. "Salome is the girlfriend, right?"

"Wow..." Pete breathed. "I've never seen the Destroyer up close. I think I kinda look like him."

Oni gave her poker buddies a pointed look before turning her attention back to Connor. "We were under the impression that Salome had gone with you on the hunt."

"Yeah..." Connor looked down, shuffling his feet. "I called her crazy, paranoid and may have accidentally said Faith was sexier than her."

"I concur." Oni nodded. "I know you become hostile when I attempt to observe you and Salome together, however from what I have seen that is not the way to win her back."

"That's why I'm trying to find her!" Connor was growing tense. "So I can apologize!" He shook his head. "I'm going to check upstairs."

Andrew held up his hand. He began to count down. By the time he was down to two fingers, Connor was back in the living room. "Salome's not up there. I need you guys to help me find her."

Oni turned back to her poker buddies. "If there is a crisis, it will usually occur within five seconds of the initial problem."

"This isn't a crisis!" Connor snapped. "Salome's just pissed off at me. She's probably at Caritas bitching to Lorne."

"Um." Clem held up his hand. "Lorne is out of town. And having the club fumigated while he's away. That's why Salome had the night off."

There was a flicker of worry on Connor's face. "Salome doesn't have any other friends."

"Perhaps she was angered enough to go have sex with Chico," Oni suggested. "She told me she used to do that back in Los Angeles."

Salome sat up, groaning. She put her hand to her ribs. "Sweet Moses... That really sucks."

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly. "I haven't felt this bad since Woodstock '99."

Pulling herself up, she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay..." She opened her eyes finally. "Here I am."

It took her a moment to orientate herself. She now recognized the Quad. "Great." She sighed. "That was real smooth, Sal. Now you get to wander back to the house... Where your ever-loving boyfriend will be even more freaked out."

Salome looked around briefly to see if she had any weapons with her. She sighed when she found none. "Oh... This is just great. Great night."

She began the slow walk back towards Lamia House. There was an odd chill in the air. She rubbed her bare arms to try and warm herself.

Halfway down the street, Salome paused. "Moron," she whispered to herself, raking a hand through her hair. "You teleported here and it never occurred to you to teleport back ?"

Salome closed her eyes and gave a feeble little jump. She tried it once, twice. A third time.

"That's weird..." Salome shook her head. "What the hell is with you tonight?" She began to walk again. "You're so off your game..."

Salome brought a hand to her aching ribs as she finally reached the door of Lamia House. She reached into her cut offs to retrieve her keys. She groaned when she found them missing. She banged her head against the door. "This is a bad night. Bad, bad night."

The door opened. Salome took a step back when she saw it wasn't Oni or Andrew, but a stunning blonde.

Dahlia leaned against the doorframe. "What do you want?" She cocked her head, eyeing Salome closely. "We're not rushing right now."

"We haven't serviced demons since the sixties," Dahila said casually. "And we're not looking for any new girls. So keep moving."

Salome pushed the door back open. "I saw you die! Jay took your head clean off!"

"I'm really alive." Dahlia stepped out, pushing Salome back. "Now get the hell off my porch." She transformed into her green, veined demon form. "I've got bigger problems than ditzy pseudo-punks."

There was a crash inside. Dahlia whirled around and saw the blonde girl fall down the stairs. A dark figure clutching an axe walked calmly down the stairs.

"Oh dammit," Dahlia sighed. She grabbed Salome by the throat, pushing her in front of her like a shield. "I'll kill her!"

"For crap's sake." Salome rolled her eyes and elbowed Dahlia hard in the stomach. She whirled around, kicking Dahlia in the face.

Dahlia took the hit, bringing a hand up to her stinging face. "Girls!" she called out. She recovered, glaring at Salome. "You've got work to do!"

Chaos spread over the lawn and the street. Salome paid no attention, focusing her energy on Dahlia. The two demon women circled each other, sizing each other up.

Dahlia kicked Salome hard in the chest. Salome groaned, feeling her wounds aggravated. She crumpled slightly, wheezing. She then smiled. "Oh... Bitch, it's on."

She was only vaguely aware of the other battles as she traded blows with Dahlia. There were at least two people fighting the demons Dahlia had sent out.

Salome knocked Dahlia down. She whirled around, grabbing the axe from the long-haired man who had started the fight. He was now fighting one of the prostitutes. "Can I borrow that?" Salome didn't wait for him to answer. "Thanks."

Salome swung the axe, neatly decapitating Dahlia, a perfect mirror of how Jamie had felled her nine months previous.

"There." Salome sighed, dropping the axe and hunching over, giving into the pain in her ribs. "The spell on the girls should be release. They're..."

Salome looked around. "Innocent." All of the demon women were lying dead on the lawn and in the street.

"Oh." Salome nodded slowly. "I guess I'm a little late with that advice. You guys work fast. But who are you guys?"

"What should we do with this one?" The English-accented voice asked. "Sure, she's a demon whore, but she did kill Dahlia for us."

"I am not a--" Salome looked up. She gaped when she set eyes on the handsome, peroxide blonde. He was clad in a black leather duster. "Spike?"

"Really?" Spike frowned, looking Salome over. "Don't remember that." He then took a step towards her. "Hang on, you weren't the girl who did the show with Magdalen, were you?"

"Spike," Salome groaned. She shook her head. "You're really not funny. It's me. Salome."

"Salome?" Another voice said. "Salome Carr?"

The use of her birth surname shocked her. She turned slowly. She sucked in a harsh breath as she set her gaze on the green-haired demon. "Sonofa..." Ignoring her pain, Salome rushed at Azriel. "You bastard!"

Spike grabbed Salome by the waist, pulling her back. She groaned in pain, but kept wriggling to escape.

"She was a student of mine before I left my clan," Azriel explained calmly. He walked over to Salome. "But I was sure she had been killed with the rest of my people."

Spike clamped a hand over Salome's mouth. "She doesn't seem to like you much, mate. And she's pretty damn feisty."

Salome managed to get her arm out of Spike's grasp and she pressed her wrist against Spike's skin. The crucifix she wore made his skin sizzle. "Bloody hell!"

Now released from Spike's hold, Salome looked around, eyes wide. "I wanna know what the hell is going on!" She ran a hand through her hair. "I'm very confused and freaked out!"

"We don't have time for this," a dark voice said. The voice sent a chill down Salome's spine. It was so angry, but...

She turned slowly to the third man, the one she had taken the axe from. He was slender his ratty clothes hanging off. Long, stringy hair hung in his face and his face was covered in stubble.

Salome stared as he came into the light. He looked so different, but there was no mistaking him.